Yesterday i've been suffering from a bad and serious sore throat. x.x Drink water pain, swallow saliva pain, talk also pain. Very hard for me bodoh. ):
And yes, i cried to sleep last night. Terrible night, you know ? D: Yeah, i do agree im pretty weak. I cant stay strong and not to cry. Small matter, i cry. What else ? I'm still not yet a grown-up.
First guy i ever cried so hard for. First guy that i'm truely serious into. Why must things happen like this ? I dont usually apologise to people, even if it's my fault. I apologised to you, yet you dont accept it. It's okay if you dont want to forgive me. At least i apologise for what i've done wrong. I neglected you for audi, yes, that's my fault. I've said so many sorry, yet none make you feel better. From my opinion, i think i did change. I tried to improve my attitude, my temper and everything. I tried to say thank you and other basic manners. Nobody observe that i've actually changed. I always tried to please the people around me. Noone realised. Basically, who cares ? One time tell me you doesn't know what to do to forgive me. The other time you tell me you're forgiving me. What are you thinking ? I dont need your sympathy. You hate being threaten, and i kept doing it on you. Whatever i said, done or what, you're always unhappy about me. Why is it that everything that i do dont satisfy anyone ? You didnt felt the love. You didnt felt the happiness. You didnt felt anything from me. I do appreciate things that you've done for me. But that doesn't prove the love i want. I'm tying to bond back how fun we were back then. Nothing's working. The distance between us is getting further. What should i do ? What can i do ? Why is all these happening to only me ? The love will slowly fade into the background. I can only watch it disappear. I cant think of what i can do to hold this relationship. Because whatever i do, you'll just get hurt by me. I'm a negative person, i think on the negative side of you. What you like, what you hate, Who you're always with, i dont know anything. I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm just a normal girlfriend who always hurt you, break your heart and doesn't know a single shit about you. I'm sucha failure. What else can i say to you ? I dont know any topics between us. I'm doubting your love for me. I just couldn't bring myself to trust you. It's not like only you're the one who has always been forgiving and forgeting. I did too. See, noone realise. Because i forgive and forget so much, i get hurt even in friendship. Forgiving and forgeting too much isn't good at all. But i always keep things to myself just because i wanna save up the quarrels. It's tiring to quarrel with you. It hurts me whenever we quarrel. You always think that i keep things from you because i wanna hide secrets. I'm so fine with it. And everything's just wrong. I'm always in the wrong. Because i never knew what's right. Define them and define love.