I had a great time with you, really i do. Although sometimes you're irritating on the phone because you just couldn't stop disrupting me, i still, nevertheless, love talking to you on the phone. But we just can't.. we have our reasons why. I really love it when we finally talked on the phone again. It felt like i haven't talk to you for years. I felt so good hearing you disrupting me again, like i know something's not missing. I was so excited, i burst out all the stories that happened. But when times i did something wrong without knowing it myself and you go all quiet, i know you were upset about me, but i just want to know.. i always hope to have someone telling me what's the problem or easier, read your mind. I can't deny the fact that i'll get really angry because it just makes me feel like making up to you but i just don't know what to do to know and to help. You may not be a super sweet guy, but there are times you were really sweet and you made my day no matter what. (: I like it a lot. And it's also the things you do. The things you got for me may not be expensive or whatever, but you were sincere. Like the time you broke my sandals, we had to find Rubi and get a pair of slippers and the price of it was "$5 with any purchase" and you took the time to find something nice, not bothering about the price. I didn't expect you to get me a $14.50 necklace for all i needed then was just a pair of slippers. We had ups and downs, but i made it clear that i love you no matter what we're going through and a break up won't be a solution for me. Most of the time, you made my day. Like the time when Varun told me something about you which i can't really remember what it was, but i know that really made my day. Really.. it did. I know you cared.. and when i was drunk during the last day of the year, you couldn't sleep in peace because i was too drunk to reply your text and you were worried. I'm so glad i had a bf who cared. And it was so nice to receive a morning text from you everyday. We knew each other for barely 2 days then we got together, people said we're fast and it wouldn't be true. I know i was serious, so i tried to trust you in all that i can. I wasn't toying, never did.
Perhaps you are often angry because you didnt felt loved by me, but in fact i do. Maybe because i dont know how to show it. I'm petty, i know. But it's the insecurities in me. I just want to keep you by my side, i'm afraid.. just afraid. I'm sorry if there are times i pisses you off because i'm childish, petty, unreasonable or what. I want you to forgive me, because all i want was your acknowledgement, promises and love. We played truth on MSN and there are things that i said was what i think i am able to change to after my ex. But sometimes, i just felt like i made history repeats. I'm sorry. I don't know how to control and manage myself well. And it hurts A LOT to know that you think i was lying for being away from the phone. FYI, i don't lie. There are things i think i shouldn't have told you, but i just came honest with you. So there wasn't really much of a thing that i lied, so there's no reason why i should lie about being away. I was hurt, not about being accused for lying, but for what we're in a relationship and i see no trust from you. There's a reason why i thought "maybe you think relationship is all about making out" at that moment, it's just not nice to say it here. I lost my trust in you that day, i have no idea why. But it was just that moment.
I know you hate it when i tell people about our problems because we could have solved it within ourselves, but i admit, i told many about our breakup and i seeked for advice. They say to let go and say you might be just toying with me and maybe you found another girl to replace me. They stated reasons that made sense but i still felt my heart was missing something. I knew i wanted you back again. But i don't know how to approach you. I put all my trust in you back again and listed thousands of "maybe you are...?" they say i was covering up for you. But it was because i gave my trust because i love you. I tried to put myself in your shoes, maybe i was really at fault for saying sucha thing. But i was feeling so unloved, like i was toyed with. I don't know what to do. They told me to not get you back until you ask just to see if you really cares and loves me. I tried my best, i just couldn't see my own smile. My heart was itchy to get you back to my side. The girls told me to get you back because they could see that you were sincere. I've no idea what to do. I just hope i can read your mind, so i'ld know what i should do. I'm really sorry for what i did that hurt you so deep. I want you back again.. only if i can. Just hoping like everything rewinds to the day we first met and knew each other again.
A broken heart with million shattered pieces.. time won't heal. Time will never be able to stick them all back perfectly. ):
I love you. <3_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
